It is you

So I am BEYOND stressed today, BEYOND!  Just beyond.  I’m totally obsessed with selling our house, or more accurately, with not selling our house.  I woke up in the middle of the night and had to fight the urge to mop the kitchen floors, because what if someone comes in our house and loves it and just has to have it, and then they see dirt all over the kitchen floor and decide they hate the whole thing and then tell everyone it’s a crappy house?  Which it is NOT, mind you, it’s awesome and if you are looking to live somewhere in DC please for the love of God let me know.

Adding to the stress is some office politics, which I used to be REALLY good at, but now it all just freaks me out.  I’m also remembering the days early on at the firm when I used to be so overly eager for new work, and would literally call people I didn’t know and ask them if I could please oh please have an assignment from them.  Now every time I’m offered some new work, I have to do this bizarre calculus in my head and weigh my current work and my husband’s travel schedule and my kids’ upcoming doctor’s appointments and field trips and birthday parties…  Actually, now that I write this out, I think my current calculus is much more simple than it used to be.  Used to be:  how much can I take on to really impress everyone?  Now:  how much can I take on without completely screwing something up?  Sigh.

Anywho, do you know what I listen to when I am stressed?  Of course you do not.   So I will share it with you.  I defy you to listen to this song and not chill a bit.  There are random pictures of naked women and weed in the video, which I tell you not as a warning, but as an incentive to watch.

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Mrs. Clean

DID YOU KNOW that I have managed to keep my house virtually spotless for four solid days now?  It is true.  We’re getting ready for an open house Sunday, so we’re doing everything we can to keep the house clean.  My poor kids go to take toys out of the toy basket and I snap, “You’re just going to have to clean those up when you’re done, so DON’T TAKE OUT TOO MUCH STUFF!!!”  And then my daughter heads for the bookshelf with the look in her eye that tells me she’s about to chuck every board book we own over her head just for kicks, and I snatch her up and sit her in the corner to play with, um, her feet.  Because I won’t have to clean that up.  Instead of teaching me that it’s really lovely to live in a clean house — and I mean CLEAN, like mopped floors, shiny countertops, organized everything — it’s taught me that it’s really a huge pain in the ass and not any fun at all.

So if we don’t sell our house quickly and have to live in a cardboard box, rest assured that it will be filthy, and that I will be OK with that.

Snowly crap

I haven’t blogged in over a month – ridiculous.  But there is so much going on, I’m not sure where to start.  One:  we are moving.  To the ‘burbs.  Near a swim club and a playground and a good school and the woods and a creek.  I’m kind of freaking out about it, and not only because we still haven’t sold our house and might have to pay two mortgages until we’re living in a cardboard box.  But it just seems like such a huge CHANGE.  Moving from our place in the city that’s 10 minutes from everything, where all our neighbors are liberal and diverse and a lot like us, to a different state (OK, it’s 20 minutes away from where we are now, but still) where I really have no idea what our neighbors are like.  I think it’ll be great for my kids, so I’m doing it.  Which means I’ll probably be at this job a little longer than expected, and that also freaks me out.  I thought when we made the move to the ‘burbs I’d give up the working thing for a while.  I totally had visions of me wearing sporty casual clothes, clipping coupons, doing artsy educational projects with my kids, and destroying my blackberry in some extremely violent way (I think I had settled on driving over it).  But now I’m just going to have an even longer commute to the same job.  Now that I put that in writing, um, wtf.

And two:  snowmageddon.  Perhaps you heard a thing or two about it on the news?  There were two actual back-to-back blizzards in DC in the past 10 days.  I was housebound with my family for a solid week.  Which was extremely fun for the first, oh, three days, and then after that, we all were a little bored.  And I was REALLY sick of the freaking Wiggles, particularly the yellow shirt guy.  My son has some pretty sophisticated musical tastes — he loves Jack Johnson and Pearl Jam and that “Fallin'” song that is in the car commercials, you know? — but for whatever reason, he loves him some Wiggles.  They’re harmless, but I can only take so many songs about kangaroos and dressing robes.

Being housebound with two toddlers and a work-from-home husband while you’re trying to get any sort of billable work done is not a lot of fun.   As the kids were giving me my 14th pretend haircut of the week, my son was trying to let my hair down and said to me, “Mommy, are you going to pull your hair out now?”  Oh, honey, you have no idea.  But we really did make the most of our time together.  My son got to go sledding down an insanely high hill with his pops, we made an awesome (smaller) sledding course in a neighbor’s backyard, played with the neighbor kids, drank lots of hot chocolate, the whole deal.  I was so sad to kiss the kids good-bye this morning.  Even more than normal.

So today our realtors are taking pictures of our house to sell it.  It’s the only house my kids have ever known, the house my husband and I poured our hearts (and bank accounts) into renovating, the house where I learned to be a mom.  I know that moving is the right thing to do, but I’m really going to miss that house.

But I think my new WALK IN CLOSET will ease the pain.